Wednesday, December 22, 2010

SIMULTANEOUS LIVES of a SAINTLY MAN

“although I don't know if I should send an email to this account of yours, here I am, sitting in front of this email window, composing an email, a letter, or whatever nomenclature we attach to it now. some people hyphenate e-mail, even we used to a couple of years back, until the American Heritage Dictionary said it's okay to use it without one. do I care?”

she: hey
me: hey
she: nothing, emni
me: I am in the middle of an email
she: writing? reading?
me: nobody writes to me. you know. I'm the one who writes to people. you saved all my emails in a CD once.
she: yes I did. nobody wrote such beautiful emails to me ever. so i saved them. and now you don't write.
me: I do.
she: but not for me.
me: brb


"I really don't know if I do. I don't know my preferences like I don't know my mind. Do I like the Congress or the BJP? Do I hate both? Do I like the Communists? Or do I like a socialist ideology? Am I a capitalist? A consumerist? I never have a stand. I squirm at the thought that I have to belong somewhere, in some group of likeminded people who flock together, drawing courage from the fact that I'm not alone. What are you, a conformist? You too, like me, seem so confused. Not about your gods perhaps, because you are clear in your belief. That's one thing I'm clear about as well, only we don't see eye to eye. But when you look me in the eye and say "go away" while am still trying to unbutton you, I don't understand you. I feel you don't mean it. And you ask me if that is all I wanted of you when you very well know that it isn't a destination by itself. That is a physical manifestation of what I feel for you always. What do I feel? A strong urge to be near you. And we have achieved that."

me: hey
she: yes?
me: what would be the noun form of unnecessary?
she: isn't it an adjective? like unwanted?
me: yeah, for example, I want to say Am sure about the unnecessariness of gods in my life. what do I use?
she: LOL
me: what?
she: you made gods sound like unwanted appendages.
me: to me, yes, but to others they are necessary for various reasons.
she: is a tail an appendage?
me: no, it is necessary. Huko Mukho Hyangla had two tails, but was continually perplexed about which one to use to swat the fly.
she: for him then?
me: for him, yes...one can be called an appendage.

"We have been together, read together, bought music together, had coffee, spent nights in each others' company. Okay perhaps not the last one, but because I've always been with you even when alone, that thin line between what has happened and what hasn't has dissolved.

right now, the picture of you standing there in your black skirt with your back to the wall is vivid in my mind. The image is so real, you are moving in it, asking me to stare at your ripe little breasts from a distance. "No, don't come near," you are pushing me away with your forefinger, "look at me from a distance." And as you are trying to gauge my reaction, watching me devour your beautiful body with my eyes, I keep looking at the watch because time is running out. Our time always runs out before it starts. When will our time start? And then it has to end one day, but why can't it start? I have already made a fool of myself inside you last time, so all I wanted was a kiss. A proper kiss without you moving your head away. Don't, don't, hold it still for a second and let your lips part. Am parched. There you go, nodding your head and swinging your hair, which lashes me on my face like long, thin whips, leaving invisible marks that will never go."

she: but then, can you swat a fly with your tail?
me: huh?
she: you said Huko swatted flies.
me: I said he didn't. He didn't know which one to use. Gimme a minute.
she: hmm

"I miss you. I miss being with you right now. I miss lying still on your lap and looking up into the leaves and the stars beyond. Where was it that we sat like that, under a tree? I could see the Pole star very clearly that night, giving me a feeling I was somewhere really up north.

me: hey, where's the Pole star located?
she: how do I know? Whom are you trying to impress? Nobody's that gullible anymore, am sure.
me: hmm

"But do you get to see the Pole star from the north? In my imagination, that is precisely the case. I miss you when you stay incommunicado, perhaps looking for your answers, perhaps looking into your daughter's eyes and wondering if this thing we share is worth it. See? In my imagination you already have a daughter. You already are married. You already are behind that spotless, impregnable sheet of Saint Gobain glass, so near yet beyond the reach of my fingers. But all I want to see now is you walking through my door, which is left ajar in anticipation. I know you will come, perhaps without knocking. You never need to knock because all I have is yours anyway."

she: hey, he wants a Jeep Nukizer.
me: what is that?
she: oh, the ultimate off-roading machine now that the Hummer's decommissioned.
me: really? lemme check.
me: WOW, it looks awesome. so he is buying one?
she: I said wants.
me: I will be all alone tonight, do you wanna come?
she: WHAT? are you out of your mind? We are over all that, so please don't be weird.
me: but I love you!
she: how fucking lame can you get?
me: brb

"It isn't worth a Jeep Nukizer, but then you never needed a jeep. You probably need a quiet study. Let me go build that now, it takes a few seconds..."

she: you get me worried at times. why don't you buy some sex? I can't sleep with a man who isn't ready to take it further. I was a fool once, but not any more. I thought we understood each other. You make me feel sick at times.

me: hold on, hold on...someone's ringing the bell...brb

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is excellent work, sir-ji!

Oreen said...

thanks saar, coming from you, it means a lot...

Atanu said...

Loved reading the piece, Ari. I am going to find out the noun form of "unnecessary."

Love said...

how i long and wait for my google reader to pop another entry with your blog's name on it! :)

Anonymous said...

you sound profound.

she sounds flippant... bit of a Barbra Millicent Roberts even (did you know that was Barbie's full name?)

(great souls make typos too. damn michael dell.)

Oreen said...

thanks for all the comments... nice to see your reactions.
the guy is vain, hence tagged a "saint"

Lazyani said...

Aha! Brilliant contradictions of every day life; don't we all face it or act it out?

Loved the piece. Leave the job, write a book:)

Pinku said...

This is beautiful...

for some reason it brought back memories of a film called Kapurush....

did u ever see it?

Oreen said...

kapurush mahapurush? don't quite remember... my dad used to talk about it.

and lazyani, may these words go from your lips to God's ears...

Anonymous said...

missed on ray's bright spark - did we, oreen?

but tell me - what makes your hero "saintly"? in your opinion, are all saints necessarily wimps? and why are all your women (eternally and irrevocably) intellectually challenged?

Oreen said...

all MY women?

Anonymous said...

Aha... have they released it already? where did you get these excerpts from Shane Warne's biography from?

Or was that Tiger's ?

Unicaver

Pinku said...

Kapurush and mahapurush were two movies made and released as part of a series but quite separate in treatments and story line. check them out if you can ever.

Oreen said...

yeah, i should practise sending smses...

ATANU said...

I would agree with Lazyani ... u are fucking wasting your time at Oracle ... write a book ...

dippyblogs said...

Beautiful. Struck a cord somewhere, I was him, and I was her.

Write a compilation of short stories. I will buy a copy. And make all I can buy one each. At least.

Oreen said...

dippy, muuaaaaaahh for your comment...

dippyblogs said...

:D you are welcome. And I think you left one on my page? Sign, next time. I wont need to ask then. Or guess you by your style of writing.

Wriju said...

Dada you write so well. It is so lucid. Hmm unneccessity, isn't really a word, I guess. You might just say the futility, redundancy or superfluity. Then again, may be unneccessity is quite unbad sometimes.
Have you read 'the incredible love machine' by Iris Murdoch? Do read. It reminds me of your writing.

Oreen said...

baap re, Wriju...eto dhop isn't good for my health...
no haven't read anything other than something that she'd written for Granta about the Irish revolution...I forget the name of that particular issue...but my dad was a fan...