Monday, April 12, 2010

The auction of a virgin

why aren't you inviting me to your wedding?

-- i don't even know you that well.

why get married?

--the sasur (father-in-law) seemed like a good man.

and the girl? did you see her?

--no. but he is a good man.

stay away from him if he has a daughter. but hey, hold on. is he paying you?

Sir, I have four daughters.

-- Hmm.

To marry off each I have to spend about 17,000.

-- Hmm.

But then they also ask for dowry in my caste.

-- Hmm.

And the dowry is not less than 1 lakh per girl.

-- Hmm.

Where will I get all this money, sir?

-- Hmm, so don't pay the dowry, stop this menace. And why so many children in the first place? Anyway, the lift is here, don't forget to lock the gate in the night.


Papa, what will you buy Nikhil?

-- Nikhil?

Oh papa, my Nikhil, come on!

--Oh, that idiot? What a horrible dressing sense, I tell you. You want to marry him! Why should I buy him anything?

Papa! He is such a darling. Okay, not him then, buy me a Honda Civic? Mamma is already buying me the entire Nakshatra range. Have you seen Katrina in the commercials, papa? Won't I look like her? Tell me naaaa!



So you still want to get married?

--My sasur is a good man.

So WHAT! You will be saddled with a woman all your life.

-- But he is a good man.

You can buy sex, do you know that? But this woman will tie you down now. You can't sleep with Malati any more, you can't come with me to Kadapara for all the new Nepali and Bengali girls. Why get married? For some money? How long will that money last?

-- I'm marrying because he is a good man. And I am NOT asking for any money in return. Can't you get this in your head? I am done with the virgins, the teenagers. Most of them cry. Every one of them, every time. I've come back so many nights without even touching them. They have so much to tell. So much. And I always loved stories. My mother used to tell me stories every night.

So whom are you marrying! Who is this good man? And who is the daughter?

-- It is our postmaster.

Who, Mishraji? He is long dead...oh, you mean Malati? You are marrying Malati? BUGGER... chhupa rustam...

(as their laughter fills the hollow midnight streets, you think some stories are happy, some incomplete, some debates universal, and some questions never answered.)


Lazyani said...

Also, some questions are better left unanswered and some better not asked

Love said...

me likes this... interesting!

Mampi said...

I dont know if I should read any meanings into this - I read "what will you buy Nikhil" as "WILL YOU BUY NIKHIL?" by mistake. Then went back again and re-read it.